


Rolling Girl

by kiskisbella



Category: Vocaloid
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Depression, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, One Shot, Rolling Girl, Self-Harm, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-01
Updated: 2018-08-01
Packaged: 2019-06-20 00:05:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15521697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiskisbella/pseuds/kiskisbella
Summary: She stops her breath from rolling out.





	Rolling Girl

**Author's Note:**

> This was actually something I wrote as an assignment for school last year so it's not as good as the stuff I'm currently writing but I thought I might as well upload it!

The bathroom had a cold and wintry blue hue to it, feeling just as bleak as it looked, much like her room and the air that hung around her. Her family, in their warmth and grace, was surrounded by a rosy, loving light. She was so different from them, from the other girls at her school, her sister, and  _him_. She had no confidence in herself and was constantly lethargic. When was the last time she had a good night's sleep? Her muscles were constantly in pain and she dared not eat from fear of throwing it up. She hadn't brushed her hair or showered and hadn't taken care of herself and hadn't cared enough to try. She was hurting herself and she knew it.

He stood behind her, hunched over the sink as she tried to control her breathing. Leaning against the door of her bathroom as he lazily tapped his finger on his forearm. Having seen this many times, he waited for her to answer his presence. It wasn't the first this had happened and, try as he might, it wouldn't be the last. So, he stood there, waiting and waiting, until she finally decided to acknowledge him.

 _"I'm just fine."_  Her voice shook while she breathed out a sigh, rubbing her red eyes when she felt the urge to scratch them out. She was hyper aware of his shadowy presence behind her and, with every tap of his finger, her anxiety rose.

What was he going to do to her?

"That's a fat lie and you know it," his voice stabbed out, chuckling at her false sense of bravery.

It was a lie she would tell herself over and over again, the two of them both knew that those words had lost their meaning a long time ago. They had no emotion or feeling, they were as empty as her. She was just buying time, hoping and praying it would work, that she would get through this.

"Other people have bad days, what makes your bad days so different?"

"Why can't you just appreciate sunsets or your family?"

"Stop it..."

_"Aren't you tired?"_

Her knuckles were as white as paper and her knees shook from fatigue and her eyes hurt from the crying and rubbing. Scabs covered her head from scratching at the voices and she still had the bandage on her cheek from scratching and picking at the voices  _eating away_. Dark bags hung under her listless eyes, the left one swollen (from one of the girls or herself, she didn't remember). Maybe it was from him, but hey, who knew? It didn't matter who it was from because all she could think about was how she was so very,  _very_ tired, and she wanted to rest.

"You can go to sleep now if you want."

It sounded so nice. She wanted to sleep, to stop the numb feeling in her fingers and toes, the endless crying and the voices... ah, that sounded so nice.

_"One more time..."_

"Hm?"

"I wanna try living, just one more time..."

She could feel him glaring at her, his rage and his frustration. It wasn't the first time he'd offered her a way out, and it wouldn't be the last. She could get help, she just needed to wait, needed to wait him out, to wait out this blue hue in her life right now. This feeling comes and goes, she just needed to  _wait until it the day she saw the end_.

One more time, that's all she needed.

"When are you going to realise that it never gets better? That you're too different from those other girls! This's why you have no friends and your family hates you!"

"My family doesn't hate me, they -"

"They see you as an annoyance, a  _burden_. They can't tell you this because you're related to them," he all but growled as he walked to her. He was sick of this stupid game she was playing. He wasn't a patient man and she sure as hell tested him to his limit.

She heard him sigh as he regained his composure and knew he wasn't going to be so nice any more. Him sighing was a sign of many things, but she'd known them long enough to see the differences between each one. This one in particular meant he'd blow up soon if she didn't get away from him he'd hurt her.

"It's your fault this happened to you and people would be better off without you." His hand was numbingly cold and would mar her skin with angry red marks. If someone saw they'd surely ask her about it.

"I just... I just want to try one more time."

Her head bowed down as she played with her nails and fingers, hoping to rub some semblance of warmth within them. It didn't work, which wasn't surprising. She looked up, staring at her ugly reflection, fearful of making eye contact with him. It wouldn't matter if she tried looking at him, he was forever a moving blur, his presence remaining a reminder of her insignificance.

"It's okay to be tired." His voice was as sweet as the devil, trying to coax her into his arms with the promise of ending all her suffering. " _One more time?_ It's okay if you want to stop, y'know."

"If I wait a little longer I'll see the end of this." Shuddering from the lack of warmth he offered and lethargy, she went to try again and give life another shot.

"When will you stop  _dreaming of things that're far away_?" he called out, grabbing her wrist and twisting her to face him. He could see the fear in her eyes and fed off of it. He grabbed hold of her arms and shook her back and forth. "You're going to  _fall short_  again, just like before. You'll make the same mistake over and over again if you try one more time."

She couldn't look at him anymore, couldn't find any reason to live or argue against him anymore. She was tired, she wanted it all to stop but didn't know how. She was in over her head and the two of them knew it.

He pulled her into an embrace that held no warmth or comfort, it was just as cold as he was. Clinging to him as tears welled in her eyes, she trembled when he held her head to his shoulder. How long had it been since she felt so relieved? She couldn't remember.

_"Aren't you getting tired of doing this?"_

She was.

_"I'll stop your breath from rolling out."_

**Author's Note:**

> In case you didn't get it the parts where words are in italics are the lyrics from Jubyphonic's cover!


End file.
